The task was simple enough. It wasn’t meant to be a drama. It wasn’t even a big project, or worth a ton of marks. But it was close to 11pm, and I was still at uni, with the last of the stragglers, plugging away at a multimedia assessment that was beyond my capabilities.

The task was to create a two minute audio clip that told a story. I had a plan for it. It was about a young woman entering a coffee shop and hearing a song over the speakers that connected with her, and walking out slightly changed because of it. Of course, like most of my work, this ‘story’ had actually happened to me, and the song I planned to use was one I had heard in a coffee shop on campus that resonated with me, cheesy lyrics and all. (See attached clip)

It was supposed to be thought provoking and a little moving. I even had part of the audio down, ready to be inserted into the clip. But things weren’t going to plan. I was in over my head, and I knew it. And the project was due within the week.

Some things have stuck with me, for what seems like no apparent reason. That scene is one of them.

It all happened in 2013, when I had enrolled into a Master of Arts to gain skills that would set me on a better career path. It was an interesting degree, at least on paper. But it was short-lived and intense, and it didn’t play on my strengths, the way I had hoped. It was also a solid half hour drive away, parking was a challenge, and there was a day I got stuck in a terrifying jumping elevator by myself.

And then there was that one night, at 11pm, which seemed to be the turning point of it all.

I withdrew from the course after just three weeks. My family thought I was jumping the gun. But it didn’t feel right, and I knew it.

It felt like a failure, one that would join the official list that hung inside my head, framed, ironically, like university degrees on a wall.

I don’t think about this story often, but when I do, I still get that familiar pang – the one that reminds me of all the things I’ve tried that have backfired. And there are a lot. But there are also a lot of things that have worked out in just as surprising ways.

My life has never been linear. (Has anyone’s?) But what gets to me about this story, is just how much I tried to make it work, how I was willing to put everything aside to give it my best, and how disappointed I was in myself for having to withdraw from the degree.

If I could revisit the 2013 version of myself, I’d give myself a bit of a pep talk.

“Look,” I’d say. “things happen. Not everything works out. I know it’s hard, but you listened to your gut and did the right thing. And, hey, don’t worry, your life won’t turn out half bad. There will always be disappointments, but you’ll learn not to be crushed by them. Putting in a lot of effort doesn’t always equal results, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying. Hang in there, you’re doing just fine.”

Now, to just invent a time travel machine…