Hi, my name is Chanee, and I thrive on routine.
I’m one of those boring creature of habit types, who like things done a certain way. And once I have a system for it, I stick to it. Naturally, my day is full of systems. I’ve got a routine for mornings and for bedtimes, for showers, lunches, and everything in between. I even listen to same exact playlist that I created when I write these blog posts, the one I’m listening to right now, in fact.
This may sound slightly weird to you if you’re not a person who eats, sleeps and dreams structure, but to me, it’s how I organise my life. And most of the time it works really well.
But, life is life, and things do happen that get in the way of my scheduled life. Being a creature of habit can’t prepare me for unplanned uncertainties. It can’t even prepare me for planned events that will mess with my routine. Things like Passover (Pesach), for example.
It’s on the calendar, I know exactly when it’s coming — you would think that would help. But every year, during that dreaded 8 day block of time, all sense of schedule and stability are dispersed like the crumbs we try to eliminate. They make a dent in my carefully orchestrated days. And I don’t like it. I. Just. Don’t.
Last week, I wrote about what Passover means for me. But I didn’t elaborate on the main reason I dislike it. I’ve come to realise it’s mostly because it means lack of routine. I don’t enjoy the preparation, anticipation, planning. But it’s the week itself where days are mixed with festivals and you lose track of time. The time when even your most basic meal plan is upended — that’s what I really find hardest.
When Passover ended this year, I couldn’t wait to rip off the aluminium foil from our kitchen, and get my home in some semblance of order. I loved the swift motion of swooping off our Passover-only tablecloth, dunking it in the machine to be put away with the rest of the Passover-only dishes. Each motion felt like a form of spring cleaning, airing things out, putting them back together again.
Perhaps my effort to create a sense of order is my way of asserting control over the things in my power to change. There is so much in life that doesn’t make sense. No amount of lists or tidying will ever take away the hurt or pain or suffering that exists. I can impose structure in the four walls of my home — or at least try to — but the outside world is messy and disordered, and there is so much I can’t control. Maybe all my scheduling is a way for me to feel more secure?
I once mentioned to someone in an offhand way that I’m an over thinker, and I’m usually a few steps ahead in any conversation or situation. She asked: “Does it bother you that you’re like that?” “What do you mean, bother me?” I replied. “It’s just who I am.” And it still does feel like this trait is ingrained in me, and maybe it is. But also, maybe — maybe — it’s not.
I’m open to change, I’m just not good at it — yet.
Are you an over thinker? A compulsive list-maker? A creature of habit? I’d love to know!