I decided to share a list I created a few months ago, and had saved in my ‘notes.’ I have a lot of things saved in my ‘notes’ but this one felt important to share, as I believe we can all relate to it on some level.

Do you remember a time you witnessed a friend who was going through a hard time, someone you wanted to reach out to and help, but simply didn’t know how? Perhaps someone you know has gone through a depressive period and just wasn’t herself? Or maybe you know a new mum that is completely overcome by everything?

Hard times come in all shapes and sizes, and unfortunately no one is immune.

I’ve lived long enough and have been through enough of my own struggles to know with complete certainty that we all go through tough times. But why is it that we so often become tongue tied when faced with someone we know who is struggling? Sometimes to the point where we just clam up and say nothing at all?

Or, on the flip side, we genuinely want to help but the offer that escapes our mouths is flimsy and inconsistent; half baked. Something along the lines of: ‘If you need anything, let me know,’

Surprisingly, this line doesn’t usually seem to get much of a reaction. But why? The intention is surely there, right?

 

 

Here are some of the reasons I feel general offers fall flat:

• People don’t like to ask. It puts the onus on the person, and they have enough to worry about without the extra pressure
• People respond better to actual, quantifiable offers, things with a beginning, middle and end. (Think: can I have your kids over after school tomorrow to give you a break?)
• Anyone going through a tough time has enough decisions and things playing on their mind. Sometimes it’s physically too hard for them to make sense of their crowded thoughts and verbalise what they need
• While kind words are appreciated, often the most useful things are also the most practical (Think: extra cleaning help.) But people feel uncomfortable having to ask, or even admitting they need the help

 

The list I created aims to distill some of that airy-fairy-ness, and get to the heart of what might matter to someone in need. Feel free to comment with ideas of your own or things you have found helpful in the past. It would be great to keep this list going!

Here are my 10 practical ideas of things to say to someone who is going through a tough time:

1. Let’s go for a drive. I’ll pick you up. We don’t have to talk, but if you feel like talking I’m here to listen.
2. I’m going to Coles soon. Can I pick you up anything?
3. Feel free to text me at any time. I may not see it straight away, but I’ll always reply.
4. Would you like me to bring over dinner? I can do Tuesday or Thursday night.
5. Do you want to go see that stupid romantic comedy with me?
6. My cleaner has a few extra hours this week. Should I arrange for her to come to you?
7. This is tough. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Life can be a real bummer sometimes.
8. I’m bringing over a fresh pot of chicken soup. I can leave it by the door in a thermos.
9. I was in the pharmacy today and I thought of you. So I’m dropping off a hot water bottle and some cozy socks.
10. Can I make you a cup of tea?

 

Which of these made it onto your shortlist? Do share.