Lately, I’ve come to realise that life, itself, is a lesson in being strong. You don’t need to go out and find it, this living-strength. Day to day living, without any of the extra trimmings, is an act of strength. And we can’t escape it — life, or this weird level of strength that piles up slowly, whether we like it or not. And that’s actually a good thing, even if it seems like it’s not.
This year, I conquered a bunch of medical-related fears. Not because I wanted to, but because I’ve had to. After all, curveballs are either dodged or caught with full force. In my case, I had no choice but to face them, even as they attempted to bowl me over in the process.
But the thing is — they didn’t knock me over completely. And although this sounds like the biggest cliche ever, I do feel stronger because of them.
Let me clarify that these medical fears and the things I’ve had to deal with this year are not serious in the scheme of things. But they had to be dealt with, so I did.
Today, I had an iron infusion. It was another necessary, albeit slightly dreaded procedure, but just knowing it would actively help me led me to getting through the actual procedure much easier, needles and all.
An iron infusion is needed for people who have very low iron levels, or people who are anaemic. I’ve been iron deficient on and off for years, and I’ve also been resisting the notion of an iron infusion for years, too.
Until now.
You may be wondering why. I know I was.
To be honest, I believe a big part of it is that I have had to face some of my medical fears this year. Because with every fear I’ve had to conquer, I somehow developed more resistance to the fears themselves. I know they can’t kill me, and maybe, deep down, I know I’m stronger than them, too.
Fears can, and have, gotten the better of me countless of times in my life, but eventually, I’ve been the one to come out stronger. If my life was a chess board, my fears would be pawns, while I’d probably be the horse — able to move in clever rotations, and catch the pawns by surprise when they least expect it. (While it may sound like I play chess, I actually don’t, but I know enough about the game to know this!)
Tonight, as I sit here reflecting on my day — the iron infusion and beyond — I am feeling a strange surge of pride in myself. At the end of the day, nobody else has to know or understand your fear or why something is or isn’t a big deal to you. But it is so important to recognise it. It’s a form of taking stock, and not taking anything you face or do for granted.
Tonight, I peeled off the bandage from the infusion and peeked under it, hesitant. The nurse today told me I had bruised quite badly. At the time I told her it was the least of my issues, and yet I waited until tonight to actually look. My arm was a bit bruised, not terrible, but not great either.
I started thinking about our physical bodies, and how much constant maintenance it takes to look after them properly. It’s not a bad thing, it just highlights how precious they are. Because we all know precious things are worth investing in. It might sound sappy, but it’s true.
Living-strength? Yes, I’ll take some in bucketloads.
3 Responses
totally understand ppl have different fears and concerns but respectfully, i found this post very difficult to understand.
Iron infusions are a way to quickly flood body with iron although there are other methods if ppl are afraid. Given all that is going on in australia today, with long and unpredictable lockdowns, with ppl who are forced to isolate in places unsafe from domestic violence, with ppl’s mental health under threat, or those who have no safe home to quarantine…. the iron infusion as a symbol of courage, a beneficial treatment for upping iron, but one that essentially doesn’t put ppl at risk if it is or isn’t done and is purely elective… was…. a lot… to read. Many ppl have no acess to such a procedure or due to mental health or time cannot access it anyway. Or cannot go in physically to get it due to having compromised immune systems etc or their age…
Thanks for reading, Sandy, and for your viewpoint. You are right —- people do have different fears, and sometimes these fears are irrational. Even if something is positive and good for you, it’s still possible to be scared of it. For me, the iron infusion was a positive thing but it was also something I felt I had tackled. I hope you understand that I wasn’t trying to come across in any way. I was simply just speaking of what was true for me.
everyone should speak from what is true for them, but acknowledge privelege and not make ppl in no position to even have an iron infusion etc feel completely isolated and excluded.