It’s been a heck of a month! Well, a couple of months, to be more precise.

When it rains, it most definitely pours, that much I learnt pretty quickly early. And the other old adage: Man plans, God laughs — also too applicable for words right now.

Without going into details, I’ll just say that the past 3 months have been some of my hardest yet.

But I am living through them, one day at a time. And while my Instagram feed may show the highlights of my life, I can assure it hasn’t been all fun and games.

In fact, it’s been the opposite.

The past few months have felt like God is testing me, one test after another after another. And while I keep reminding God that I have learnt the hard lessons He is trying to teach me, there is always something surprising and challenging just around the corner.

There have been good times too. Times of productivity, inspiration, and yes, even moments of happiness.

But as I sit here typing this after some of my most difficult days yet, I’m feeling let down, and disappointed in the God I put so much of my trust in.

And that’s ok — I guess.

Because life isn’t always peaches and cream. Sometimes you have to put in the drudgery, put in the work, and believe or not — NOT see the results you’re craving for, or feel that you need.

Yes, this post is vague, and no, I’m not prepared to go into any more detail — yet.

One day, maybe in five years from now, I’ll have an autobiographical book out about my crazy and unpredictable life. And it may even turn into someone else’ s survival guide. It may even help people in similar situations.

But not yet. Because I’m still in the middle of stumbling through this life of mine, stumbling and falling and getting back up again repeatedly.

One day, I think we’ll all look back on this time and be able to laugh about it. But it’s so hard to have that perspective when you’re the one living through it day by day by day.

Life wasn’t made to be easy, that much I know. But I also wish it didn’t need to be so challenging either.

So I’m feeling it alright — the unfairness of it all. The up’s, the down’s and the in-between’ s.

I wish I had a way to end this post on a positive note, in the same way I always try to see the good in every situation. But there are no magic answers here. And unfortunately this is not a post I can tie up in a pretty ribbon and finish with a flourish of a silky bow.

I’m just not feeling it right now. And I’m trying to accept that life is a bit like that sometimes.

If you’re here, and you’ve made it this far into my post — thank you. Thank you for sticking around long enough to read this.

Life is a work in progress, and all journeys have their up’s and down’s. It’s only natural. So I’m trying not to let myself get down about it. Because eventually even the toughest moments pass.

So I’m hanging in there, but only just. Tomorrow is a new day, and that’s what I’m choosing to focus on right now.

Love ‘n light,

Chanee