I had all of the right intentions. I packed my iPad, zipped my keys and phone into the front pocket of its case, brought along my cooled water bottle, straight from the freezer, and drove to the beach.
It was a familiar drive, one I could do without thinking. I’d come to the same beach, the same turn-off, dozens of times during the Melbourne lockdowns.
I arrived, pulled into one my usual spots, opened my iPad, turned my phone into a hotspot, played my writing playlist through Spotify, and…nothing. I literally wrote nothing. Or maybe I typed out a random sentence first, before seeing that my well thought out plan wasn’t going to eventuate. Not today.
I wanted to be out in the open today, not cooped up in my car. I wanted to be walking on the sand, breathing in the salty air.
I wanted to feel at one with my surroundings, be at one with my surroundings.
So I got out of my car, carried my iPad in its case with its shoulder strap, and ventured out towards the water. I had zero plans. My shoes, I realised, were a bad choice — platform slides that were not very comfy at the best of times.
But — it turned out, they were great for leaving behind on the sand — so I did.
It had been ages since I’d been back to this beach. With lockdown eased for a few months now, there were other things to occupy myself with — faster, more instant things. The beach was a slow activity, and the pace of my life had picked up, unconsciously leaving it behind.
But I was back now. And I had missed it.
The sand felt grainy today under my feet. It’s not the finest sand at that beach, it never was. But the air was clear, the sky blue as anything, and the water was tempting me, pulling me in closer.
I didn’t stay long. My parking only had 45 minutes on it, but it was enough.
How long had I been running, from one thing to the next — to get home, do errands, do grocery shopping, cook dinner. How long had I not even noticed that I had been running?
With the salty air fresh in my lungs, and my heart a little lighter, I walked back to where I had dumped my shoes at the start of the sand, slipped them on and went back to my car.
Why didn’t I realise I needed this sooner? Why did it take a forced lockdown to bring me back?
I don’t have those answers.
But I now know somewhere that does.
